Real Estate

Landlord Story for your Amusement

By Johnny Fuery ⋅ February 6, 2008 ⋅  Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

(This is a story from long ago… I no longer have a business relationship with this particular fellow. This has been sitting in my cache as a draft for ages.)

So I get a call the other day from a tenant. I’m in Britain on a job, mind you, so his late-afternoon call is actually quite a bit more of an imposition than he realizes. It’s after midnight and just got used to the dang time zone. But, hey, it’s only four bucks a minute… still cheaper than the two grand a month I’d have to pay a property manager, right?

Tenant: Hey, uh, I have a problem here with the apartment. The electricity in the family room is out.

Tired Landlord: Have you checked the circuit breakers?

No. Where are they? I turned the whole place off and then back on.

Realllly. Is anything else out, or is it just the one room?

It’s just the one room. Actually, it’s only half the room.

Half the room? What do you mean? Are the lights out?

No.

Then how do you know the power is out? One of the outlets isn’t working?

Yeah. The TV won’t turn on.

Ok. Have you tried plugging anything else into that outlet? Something that you know is working properly?

Oh, like the lamp?

Sure.

(After long pause) No, the lamp doesn’t work in that outlet either.

Ok. Can we check the other outlets in the room? If the lights are working, then maybe it’s just the one outlet that’s broken, in which case we can get you by on an extension cord for today. Ok?

Ok.

(Another long pause.)

Well, the other outlet on the same wall doesn’t work.

Ok. What about the adjacent wall, by the door?

Oh! That one works!

Weird. Would you just do me a big favor and check the last outlet or two in the room?

(Another $12 or so in roaming fees accrue on my mobile phone bill.)

All the other outlets work. This isn’t as bad as I thought.

Agreed. How about this… is there a light switch in the room that you never use? Maybe behind the door or something?

No.

Ok. We probably just have to replace the two receptacles in question. Is there anything weird about those? I’ve seen one receptacle go bad at a time in the past, but two is really odd. Maybe something indicative of a short, like a little telltale burn right around where the plug is inserted into the outlet on one of them?

Hmm. (Pause) Well, there’s a couple of weird buttons on one of them.

Weird buttons? (I pause for a moment in disbelief.) Um. Are they red and black?

Yeah. How’d you know?

(Without missing a beat) Just a lucky guess. Do me a favor and press the black button, ok?

(The Jerry Springer Show is suddenly heard in the backround.)

Hey! My TV just came back on! Awesome!

(Amused grunt) That’s great. I think you’ll find that the second outlet that wasn’t working is now working, also.

Yeah. Thanks, Johnny!

If it’s not immediately clear what happened, perhaps this Amazon listing will help: