an anti-cynicism dose, bittersweet

By Johnny Fuery ⋅ November 30, 2006 ⋅  Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

Over the past month a little girl reminded me how to hope. I’m still not sure how she did it, but for a few brief moments in time I felt so hopeful I’d even call it faith. I felt invigorated, youthful, and empowered.

She was gone just as quickly as she appeared, and yes, I’m swallowing hard about it, but I can’t help but be grateful for the perspective I feel today.

The only problem with perspective is that it suddenly makes one reevaluate what they think is important. Where I live, what I do for money, the way I approach relationships, both platonic and romantic… all feel in “a state of flux” at the moment.

This has been a long time coming. I don’t like the bay area, I don’t find joy in my day-to-day tasks, and I haven’t felt a sense of home since… well, heck, since my best friend moved to Sacramento and got married. When was that, two years ago?

But it’s really safe to stay in one place, to stick with what works, to just find joy in acceptance, and pleasure in hobbies (like starting businesses and playing basketball), and never, ever feel really passionate about anything. Or anyone.

Tomorrow I’m going to think long and hard, pen and paper in hand, about what I want out of life, about who I really want to be (just following the golden rule doesn’t cut it), and about how to make it happen.

I’m going to find passion again.

(Thank you, btw. You know who you are.)