GeekSpeak

Oh dear Quan, where have you gone?

By Johnny Fuery ⋅ March 30, 2005 ⋅  Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

My Quan seems to have run out. The last 2-3 months have been a period of super-productivity, directed energy, dynamic compartmentalization creating suimultaneous focus on a high volume of tasks, and joy.

Quan. I was nearly jumping out of bed for awhile there. But something has been amiss since Monday.

Sunday night I couldn’t sleep. Then Monday I didn’t eat (except Peet’s) until late in the day, I didn’t get to work out, and I let things slip. Yes, I was in three places at once, but it was a stressful balancing act on a tightrope with bricks attached to the waste, not the magical dance I usually perform that is beautiful in and of itself.

Then Tuesday I turned off my alarm and slept an extra hour. Not a move I’d have done anytime in the last quarter. Then I begrudgingly arose and moped my arse down to Peet’s and had a stressful cubicle day without lunch. And broke Tuesday night plans in a fashion that was emotionally stressful. The day actually ended reasonably well — I worked out with Shane and we had a late dinner. I retired with a glass of wine and my DVD player. It was ok, but it was missing the pleasure of life I had just last week.

And, today, I feel like the whole day is wasting away… I’ve finished the project I was working on and can effectively get back to work/play/balance/peace, but, instead, I’m making up excuses so I can be lazy. My behavior is indicative… like letting calls go to voice mail and procrastinating on even simple tasks, like picking up keys at the hardware store, scheduling a carpet installation, and drafting a lease addendum.

Could it just be the chaining to the cubicle that is draining my spirit? Could it really be that simple? In less than a week?

Humph. Something is amiss, and I’d really like to figure out what it is…